fear factors

Fear is a funny thing. 

We are winding up the celebration of Sam’s birthday. He turns seven today. He entered this world on Halloween, a holiday known to be scary. I say he came that day precisely for the fear factor. 

He’s a miracle many times over. I went into early labor when I was pregnant with him at 26 weeks. We lived one hour outside the city of Tegucigalpa, Honduras. Matt drove me in to the hospital at 2 a.m. in the largest vehicle we had at the Ranch. The eroded road made this very painful and difficult. As the nurses wheeled me to the room, I assessed the situation. No IV pole, no fetal monitor, no isolette (bed) for a neonate. The staff used an IV drug that has not been used for over 25 years in the States. My labor stopped. 

Joshua and I (Sam in my tummy) traveled to the US. We spent seven weeks with Taylors. At 2:00 a.m. Halloween morning, my water broke. Barb Taylor stood in for Matt in the OR as nurses dressed as goblins and a neonatologist with flashing jack-o-lantern earrings attended the birth. He weighed four pounds and came into this world rounding. That’s Mississippi-speak for fighting.

One month after he was born and still weighed five pounds, Sam contracted late-onset-group B sepsis. This wicked infection has a 50% survival rate in normal-weight babies. We barely made it to Vanderbilt ER before Sam stopped breathing. By far, this is the most scared I have ever been in my life. I watched from outside my body while a nurse worked to bring Sam back. I mimiced her behavior because I was paralyzed. I didn't know what to do. After ten days of antibiotics, prayers prevailed and Sam fought back. 

In many ways, Sam’s seven years have schooled me in fear and courage. What it is. What it does. What it takes to for one to win over the other. 

Fear is funny in a way that it has many cousins. Terror grasped me as I watched my infant’s body shutting down. Every day I deal in fear. “What-ifs” are one currency of fear. Tomorrow I’ll share something I recently pondered about fear and what God says about it. 

Happy Birthday to Sam. In seven years, you have taught me more about courage than anything in my entire life. I love you!