darkness: 40 words in 40 days

Clouds roll in over Mt Vernon (home of George Washington). We toured there Tuesday.

Today is Good Friday - the day Jesus hung on a cross and died.

Recently, Lloyd Shadrach preached on this day. It has not left me since. God, he said, is present in our darkest moments.

As I reflected on this truth, it hit me that healing comes when we find resolution in this fact. He did not stop nor prevent my darkest moment. He orchestrated it. And He transcends it.

My first response to this truth has not always been comfort. I've experienced some anger and breathed hard questions. Like why? Exhale. And what now? Exhale.

My arrogance pales in the shadow of the cross when God poured His wrath out on His Own Son.

Lloyd said, there has never been a darker moment than the death of Jesus. Hope died. Perhaps loss is God's way of weening us of false hope.

I have no other hope than Jesus. He is not in the grave. He is alive.

Today I remember the darkest moment when the earth convulsed and the curtain was rent in two. Sin can no longer separate me from my God. The blood has won. Light has come.

adversity: 40 words in 40 days

I often forget how adversity strengthens the spirit and stretches the soul. I don't like adversity or conflict or disharmony. In the midst of them, I feel like death hovers near. Perhaps it does, and the very act of overcoming it strengthens us.

Part of our family is in Washington DC this week for Spring Break. My oldest son chose the beach with friends. The rest of us are staying with my friend Jennifer LeBow and her family. I have never before been to our nation's capital.

The first day we walked among the monuments - giants chiseled in stone, words weighing more than the marble and granite. The adversity of my nation glared at me. At times the issues have polarized us and driven us to war. At times poverty has threatened to destroy our children. Each time, so far, we have risen to the challenge.

Middle age brings with it a somewhat cynical viewpoint of politics. I have considered that perhaps it is a mid-life developmental milestone to doubt your political leaders and wonder if your nation can survive. As I literally strolled through our history, the hope of our past clunked down in front of me.

What we face now is really not as colossal as the things we have overcome in the past. Adversity has done its work in us. We are strong even if we sleep sometimes through days requiring more awareness.

As cheesy as it may sound, we need leaders from my generation to rise up and give voice to a path for the future. We don't need more Monday morning quarterbacks. We need men and women of valor and honor and integrity.

At times I think we are more divided than we have ever been, but I walked through Arlington. I am praying that God would provide leaders who would do more than point fingers. We need men and women to stir up courage and not fear.

I am praying for our country. I have found great hope in a strange place - in the monuments of the past.

content: 40 words in 40 days

 

I’m not content. 

I feel it in the knots in the muscles in my upper back. Within those knots stress lives. Stress tells me I am not doing enough. If I don’t get the laundry done, the world will end. Or if I don’t pack, we won’t go to Washington DC. 

If I’ve learned anything about being content, I learned it from the Honduran people. I’m certain their contentment wooed me there. My first trip there in 2001 I saw it in their faces. It was like a treasure map with the X marking gold. Those faces smudged with dirt and smoke from the fires where they cooked tortillas beckoned me there. Treasure like I had never seen or smelled or touched: it was contentment amidst hunger and poverty.

Jesus spoke of it when he said: “Blessed are the meek.” The Message says, “You are blessed when you’re content with just who you are - no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.” Matthew 5:5.

At the heart of it is trust. Contentment means to trust God with all of His dealings with you. Believe that they are good. He is good. Don’t resist or dispute. That’s what I saw there.

And in confessing a malcontent soul, in trusting that the blood forgives and the Spirit redeems; I find the treasure.

transparent: 40 words in 40 days

Living a transparent life can be a juggle. 

I firmly believe that to live a life in Christ and to mature, one must be transparent. At the same time, revealing the deep places of the soul to a fool can prove to be unwise. Maturity looks like learning to discern those who are safe and trustworthy to bear the burdens of our soul.

We all approach life with a grid. And usually our responses are more about the grid than the things or circumstances causing our reactions. That means that we may react in a way incongruent with reality. We may misjudge people. We may judge circumstances incorrectly. 

Here is a real-life example. Recently as Sam (1st grade) walked out the door, I said, “We forgot to study your 5s!” He is learning to add. He was somewhat stuck on the 5 cards. He responded that his test would be that day. 

At that moment, he had to walk out the door to make the bus. We could not study. He failed that test, by the way. But when he walked out, Matt and I began a discussion that escalated us to “Sam may have to go to summer school.” That actually came out of one of our mouths. Names will not be mentioned to protect the innocent or crazy. The other one said, “He’s in first grade.” Oh, back to reality.

Our context escalated us and we had to work together to land back on terra firma. 

As we strive to live transparently with one another, we confessed areas where our grid had gotten warped. I talked to a few friends that day about it. And we scheduled a conference with Sam’s teacher for a reality check. 

Sam has since moved on to the 6s. And we are still checking in with our grid. We desire to live congruent lives that are transparent. 

surrender: 40 words in 40 days

Last night I had the honor of mingling with about 25 or so women and discussing striving versus surrender. What does it look like to surrender? Why do we find it so difficult?

One wise woman mentioned the verse in Proverbs 31 that says, “she smiles at the future.” This is a picture of surrender. The word smiles is translated laughs in other versions. It can also mean to play.

In striving, I find my value in what I do and in what I can accomplish. My value is as finite as my energy or my abilities. Lust is at the center of striving. I end up taking from someone, somewhere or something to fill myself up.

In surrender, my value is eternal. My King sent his Son to die in my place. My soul will live forever in communion with him. I have value and dignity because I am made in His image. Love is at the center of surrender. I rest in my belovedness. I love others from that overflowing center of love. 

When I am surrendered, I cease demanding to understand. I don’t have to have an answer for everything. I accept my place under a Higher Authority.

She smiles at the days to come. Strength and dignity are her clothing. She has handed her burdens over to her King.

I love the photo above. These are my sisters, two of my favorite people on earth. The expressions are priceless. They capture the essence of smiling at the days to come and play. This is a picture of surrender.