grace finds

Fridays are my just-breathe days. I heal and unwind with large chunks of uninterrupted quiet time and space. This morning I rifled through photos and old newsletters of our years in Honduras. I had an ongoing dialogue with the Lord. At some points my gladness erupted in laughter - the loud kind that starts deep in the belly and comes out in wracks and shakes. At other times I found myself arguing with Him about events and how our time there closed. It hurt so much to leave. I even said, “How could you?!” at one point. I asked Him to gently show up for me and heal my pain. 

In the past I have been uncomfortable with actually saying this question out loud. Today is not the first time I have uttered it. Before I did utter it though, the question sat in my heart behind a big fat body guard. The Lord knew the question was there, of course. He waited for me to ask it out loud. As soon as I said it out loud in prayer to Him, the body guard was no longer needed. And the Lord’s response to me at that time: Let’s get to work, Beloved.

I don’t normally find God speaking to me through Facebook, but this morning He did. Anne Lamott had recently posted about her broken toe and an encounter in the ER with her doctor. 

She says, “Grace met us right there. It meets you right where it finds you, but it does not leave you where it found you. It moves you toward breath; moves you towards things being a little bit better: wow. Grace [is] WD-40. Grace is water wings. Grace makes you shake your head with wonder, and laugh and cry.”

I am learning that I cannot put God in a box. I cannot tell Him where to go and where not to go. He does not respond well to body guards although He is courteous. When I asked Jesus to make a home in my heart when I was ten, He came in and all of my life is now His. There is nowhere He won’t go to pursue my whole heart. I cannot cordon off passages and mark them with NO TRESPASSING signs. 

So today His answer to my HOW COULD YOU?! is this: Gigi, I had to get through to you, in that very part of your heart and soul. 

This morning Grace did not leave me where it found me. 

Jesus said, “You‘re asking the wrong question. You’re looking for someone to blame. There is no such cause-effect here. Look instead for what God can do. We need to be energetically at work for the One who sent me here, working while the sun shines.” John 9:1-5